How to suffer less parts 6 to 10!
Some of you reading this may know the Enneagram.
If you do, and you know me, you will know I am an 8 – we are a little more obvious to spot than some of the others.
Each number, or fixation, has several characteristics, the existence of which may not be conclusive proof of the fixation but which at the same time, are characteristics shared by all who have this fixation.
Common among 8 fixations is a distinct lack of patience or a tendency to become bored very quickly.
If you want to torture me, put me in a slow-moving queue (especially if there is a queue next to me which is moving quicker).
Anyhow the purpose of this introduction is to explain why there is a part of me which wishes I had never started the 10 ways to suffer less blog series – not because I believe they may be useful (of course I really hope they are) but because I am exceptionally keen to move on to something new shiny and exciting!
Such is the life of an 8.
However, I am also a man of my word, and so, having set off down this route, I fully intend to finish rather than leave anyone wondering what pearls of wisdom they may be missing out on.
So, with a little more brevity than has characterised previous blogs, here are numbers 6 to 10.
6. Gratitude
“Gratitude is Love’s answer to Grace”
Eli Jaxon Bear
Prior to attending my very first retreat we were asked to complete a short exercise:
Write down 20 things you are grateful for.
I still remember many of those as they are as true now as they were then – things like:
· having two healthy kind hearted children,
· having mostly the same friends now that I had in childhood who I know, when the chips are down, I can rely on 100%
· having a dog who brings me literally nothing but joy (and far less expensive than the kids!)
My Heart opens each time I stop to realise just how much I do have to be grateful for.
Life seems so much richer when we focus on what we have rather than what we feel is lacking
“Make what you have, what you want”
Simple and yet so true.
The more I focus on the many things which I have to be grateful for, the more I appreciate my life.
As the Sufi poet Rumi put it,
“When you are in the garden, do you focus on the flowers or the thorns?
Spend more time with the Jasmine and the Roses”
Wise words to remember each and every day
7. Nature
Each morning, come rain or shine, I start my day here
Another saying of which I have become fond is “You are not stuck in traffic – you are the traffic!”
So it is with nature – you are not walking through nature – you are nature!
At the deepest level there Is no difference between you and a leaf or a blade of grass.
We and they are simply tiny parts of the huge web of life.
Perhaps this is why being in nature, away from the man made, brings about a deep sense of peace – and gratitude – part of us recognises this simple truth.
When we are in nature, we are home
Here’s a couple of exercises I recommend to deepen that connection:
Earthing - find a patch of grass and walk as slowly as you possibly can. Focus. Tread as carefully is if you were walking on broken glass. Feel every blade, feel the support of the earth and allow these feelings to fill you to the brim.
Befriend a tree –give it a long hug and you may become aware of the same energy coursing through the tree as courses through you and me.
Try standing in front of the same tree and repeating for say 5 minutes “you and I are not separate”.
Be curious - see what happens and how troubles can dissolve in the presence of such wonder.
And remember, you are not walking through nature – you are nature!
8. Stop believing your thoughts!
There is no inherent truth in any thought
Check out Byron Katie – she is the queen of thought questioning.
She teaches that ultimately there is no truth in a thought.
A thought is an elector-chemical movement of across your mind. It has no substance.
A thought comes from nowhere, lasts a few seconds and then disappears back whence it came.
There is no problem with thinking – the problems arise with our judgemental thoughts when we believe them – when we give them meaning and act upon them without investigation as to their truth or why we the same type of thoughts occur over and over.
Adyashanti describes ego as “repeating patterns of conditioned thought”.
I like that – it rings true for me.
The recurring patterns will vary – again referring to my 8 fixation my judgemental thoughts usually surround how badly I have been treated by someone (and how I am going to get my revenge).
Even now, if I leave my mind alone for 30 seconds I’ m usually having an argument with someone.
What they may or may not have done is not the problem – it is my reaction which is the sole cause of my suffering.
Left unchecked they can cause chaos – even wars.
Any thought properly investigated can be seen to not contain any inherent truth whatsoever.
It is nothing more than my ego doing its job, namely trying to protect me.
So, the next time one of these judgemental thoughts arises pat yourself gently on the head, and say to your mind “it’s ok, I know you are just trying to protect me and thank you – but I’m ok now and you can take a rest”.
There is so much less suffering when we are not believing our thoughts.
9. Switch everything off
Information Overload is Bad for your Health!
The news is generally pretty damned depressing.
And yes, there is a lot wrong with the world.
But why is the focus on everything that is wrong rather than the billions of kind, selfless, compassionate courageous uplifting acts which take place each and every day?
However, that is the way of things.
But we do have a choice.
So how about a day – or even a whole weekend, without the news?
How about going even further?
Now I appreciate this may be a radical suggestion, but how about an entire weekend without your phone?
No emails, no texts or WhatsApp, no social media, nothing to distract you from the now.
How about just trying it and see how much better life might be without the news or your phone – just for a while?
Freedom may be just around the corner!
10. Surrender
Surrender does not mean giving up - it just means you are able to let everything be as it is.
The same Byron Katie also came up with another of my favourite sayings – “Argue with reality and you lose – but only 100% of the time.”
Reality includes you exactly as you are right now – with all your problems and neuroses and things you don’t like about yourself.
To deny that is who you are at this moment is to argue with reality.
See how it may be to accept everything – including everything you don’t like about yourself, everything you are clinging onto, everything you resist.
That is the reality now in this moment –pretending otherwise is another form of insanity.
Remember, you are a unique manifestation of the divine and are perfect exactly as you are – and there is still room for improvement.
Surrendering to everything exactly as it can bring a deep sense of peace and ease.
It is by no means always easy and can be difficult to remember.
If, however you can make it your habit to stop 3 or 4 times each day (this is where the alarm on your phone can come in very handy!) and consciously surrender yourself to everything that is, at that very moment, you just might significantly reduce your suffering.
You may then discover the space for you to appreciate the miraculous gift which is your life.