ten ways to suffer less - part 2, Acceptance of Suffering

Suffering is the inevitable consequence of the egoic mind, whose default response to life is “NO”!

It is said there are three great myths.

 In no particular order, these are, first, that we have any control, second that we possess anything and third that it is possible to sustain pleasure.

 The first and second, I may leave for another time, but the third is most relevant here.

 Suffering is part of the human egoic condition – it is familiar to all of us (a lot of the time!).

 There’s a short Eckhardt Tolle You Tube clip where he talks about suffering.

 Specifically he says that suffering is not what happens to us, but is as a result of what happens to us (this struck a chord being the same as Gabor Mate’s description of childhood trauma in the wonderful film, “The Wisdom of Trauma” where he says pretty much exactly the same thing, namely that trauma is not what happens to us but what happens as a result of what happens to us).

 Eckhardt goes on to explain that if suffering is a result of what happens, this means it is our response to what happens that causes suffering.

 Consequently, we possess the choice of how to respond – in other words we (mostly subconsciously) choose to suffer – and that in consequence, it is possible to choose not to suffer.

 In my own experience, this is true – but is far from easy and lies in our ability to see our reaction, to see our own suffering and then not to move until we are able to respond rather than react.

 Given we have spent a lifetime reacting, noticing and developing the ability to stop and then respond may be a long, but incredibly worthwhile road down which to travel.

Stopping, just for an instant, can make a world of difference.

 Watching another you tube clip, this time from Adyashanti, he describes suffering as what happens when there is a gap between how our minds think things should be, and how they actually are.

 In the words of yet another teacher, Byron Katie, this means that suffering happens when we argue with reality – which is, by definition, futile.

“If you argue with reality you lose, but only 100% of the time.”

Byron Katie

 The first step therefore to lessen the impact of suffering is simply to acknowledge and accept the fact that we are suffering – that is after all, the reality at that moment.

 My own experience is very much that by simply accepting and allowing my suffering, makes it far more difficult for the suffering itself to hang around causing more needless suffering.

 The other thing to acknowledge is that suffering can be useful in several ways.

 First, if you are suffering then life is showing you where there is still an attachment or an aversion – and from there it may be possible to enquire, at the deepest level, why? What is the story I am really telling myself here?

 Second, and to finish with the teaching from another great spiritual teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh, without the mud, there would be no lotus – in other words, it is our experience of suffering which also allows us to experience Joy – if there was never any rain, we would never experience the joy of the sun.

 And finally, all things pass.

 The only constant in life is change – if you are suffering now, whilst there may seem times, when it will never end, if you look to your own experience, you will see that it does – until it comes again.

 So the next time you catch yourself suffering,  you may choose to wish things were different, or you can choose to accept your current state and see this as simply the mud which will then allow your own personal lotus to shine.